Today marks a peculiar anniversary for me, one that unfolded unexpectedly and altered the trajectory of my life. Four years ago, on February 12th, 2020, I found myself in the hospital diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, a moment that remains etched in my memory. Initially attributing my symptoms to the rigorous training for my first ultramarathon, I was blindsided by the severity of the situation. I vividly recall the doctor’s words telling me I had to go to the ER but wasn’t allowed to drive myself because he was concerned I might slip into a coma. That day, my emotions ran the gamut – sadness, anger, fear, and confusion intertwined.
I’m very grateful for the support I had that day. My wonderful wife, my family, my friends and those around me. I’ll never forget my wife sitting next to me as I was trying to convince the doctors that I didn’t have diabetes but there was some other medical enigma causing me to have diabetic levels of blood sugar but I was going to be fine. I was definitely in denial, more than likely because I was scared.
That night in the hospital, amidst the uncertainty and fear of this new part of life I realized something. I had a choice – I could let diabetes own me, or I could own it. I could take own the fact that this is now a part of my life but it doesn’t mean my life is over. I decided that evening that I was not going to let my diabetes define me and the things I did. I decided to lead a life still rich with meaning, albeit with some additional complexities like insulin, pumps, and sensors.
The truth is, we all face our own version of this experience. Wether it’s a lifelong diagnosis or challenge or intense pain we feel for being human. We get to decide, “Am I going to let this define my life?”. This doesn’t mean we love what we have to deal with. I don’t love having diabetes, and that was made even more evident when my 3 year old was diagnosed in 2022. Sometimes life sucks, it hits hard. As my dad said when my daughter was diagnosed, “You are going to have bad days and maybe bad weeks, but don’t let them become a bad life”. I thought that was pretty poignant considering he’d had a stroke 2 months before.
Six months after my diagnosis, I ran my first Ultra-Marathon, 30+ miles. Since then I’ve run another ultra, had another kid, and started two businesses. Since then I’ve also spent thousand of dollars in medical supplies, poked myself with needs, pumps and sensors thousands of times and woken up more than a few nights feeling like I’m going to die if I don’t eat because my blood sugar is in the 20s (for those of you non-diabetics, that’s really bad). When February 12th roles around every year I don’t think about Valentine’s day coming up (apologies to my wife), I think about what I’ve dubbed my “Diaversary”. It’s not a day I celebrate, but it’s one I remember that I have a choice. I can choose to let the hardships of life own and define me, or I can own them and focus on a life filled with meaning.
I apologize for the rant. Usually on my Diaversary I try to go for a long run or challenge myself in some way but this year I thought I’d share my experience with others. I’m not trying to make these challenges that we face seem trivial or easy, but I am wanting to encourage everyone to remember that we have a choice. We can choose to let those challenges own us and define our lives, or we can choose to own them and choose to life a life full of meaning.
